Oh, The Obviousness Of It All
(Communication creates happy lives)

Harvard University did a study on happiness and the quality-of-life by following over a thousand of its graduates for over 70 years. (The author's TED talk has been seen over 40 million times on YouTube.)  The intention of the study was to determine what elements of a person's life made them most fulfilled, satisfied and happy. They studied everything from their profession to their income to their health to their lifestyles to their relationships. The results of the study were somewhat surprising, but the fundamentals were not. What created the most fulfilling life wasn't money nor the things that money can buy. It wasn't world travel or praise or recognition.  It was the depth of their relationships. With whom they had relationships was not important, nor was it important that there were many of them. A happy and content life was simply about meaningful relationships with a few people. That was it.

Similarly, there are countless studies and examples in sociology and psychology which states unequivocally that the basis for quality relationships is quality communication. Why there is so much research on something so fundamental scene sort of silly to me, maybe it was because it was so easy to prove?  

Perhaps it has to do with the word quality when used with communication. Clearly, there can be too much communication. And, there's enough research to show that as well. There can be burnout, the lack of trust of one partner feels a need to constantly communicate with the other. The lack of personal space that too much communication might demand, and then there's the unhealthy dependence that excessive communication can create unhealthy dependences upon one another. But, that's not what we mean by quality communication. By quality communication we mean relevant, wholesome, responsible and respectful communication towards the overall goodwill of those who are part of the the communication.

And while it's true that the healthiest communication is generally verbal,  it certainly doesn't need to be that way all the time. In our increasingly electronically-connected world, communication can be conveyed through our fingertips. However, this can be dangerous because it lacks the fundamental neurolinguistics and how the spoken language and the emotions behind it are represented to the brain.  

So, where am I going with all this? We know from scientific, psychosocial studies that quality relationships with a few people are the essential building blocks for content and happy lives.   We also know that quality relationships require quality communication that is relevant to the goodwill of all participants. Therefore, quality, relevant, and goodwill communications is the foundation to a happy and content life.

Can you imagine the millions of dollars that were spent coming up with such a reasonable and ridiculously obvious conclusion?  Oh, the obviousness of it all.